DAWN KILLS YOUR GAINS!

It would go like this:

We see a pair of vascular hands with wrists covered by sweatbands. They’re over a sink, with one hand holding a crusted plate and the other holding a foamed up sponge.

The sponge-clad hand goes back and forth. Its movements are decisive, but labored. It goes back and forth one time each before we hear a voice off screen.

I’ve never written a script for a Dawn commercial, but if I did, it would have to be focused on the fact that they offer 50% less scrubbing with this soap.

If you were focused on your fitness, that might be a real problem for you…

VOICE: Seven… Eight…

Suddenly, another pair of hands appear in frame, hovering underneath those that are washing the dish. The fingers on the second pair of hands are wiggling intently, as if ready to catch something.

VOICE: C’mon! Nine! One more baby, let’s go!

The first pair of hands manages to just barely drag the sponge across the plate one last time. The plate and sponge drop into the second pair of hands and we hear a satisfied grunt.

VOICE: Ten!

The camera angle changes and we now see the two men who were at the sink. The man who washed the dish stumbles away from the sink, bends over, and props himself up on his knees. His shirt is soaked, but whether it’s with dish water or sweat is unclear. 

The other man, obviously a fitness trainer, sets the plate and sponge down into the sink then slaps an open hand onto the other man’s back. He speaks, revealing that the off screen VOICE has been his.

TRAINER: That’s what I’m talking about! Take a minute, catch your breath, then we’ll get back into it. Good effort.

The camera then switches to only show the man who’s doubled over. He looks past the camera, smiles, and shoots a thumbs-up. The camera switches again and reveals his nuclear family, mortified, standing in the kitchen’s entryway. The camera switches back to his face. He speaks between dog-like pants.

MAN: 50% less scrubbing means 50% less gains.